He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
