it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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