it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
