I just pynch a tree in the face
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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