cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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