Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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