My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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