im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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