I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
