Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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