I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He better not be in your backpack
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
