ugly people sure do ruin things
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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