So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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