Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
