What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
