Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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