I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
