Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
