yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
