Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
