next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
