i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
