that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
