You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
