I want to stick my p in your. b.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
