I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
