Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
