If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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