I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
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All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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