Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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