I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
