she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
