i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
