I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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