I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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