I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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