I didn't shave. On purpose
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize