Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
