his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
