Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
