The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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