cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
