what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
