I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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