If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty