My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.