When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?