I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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