I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
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She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude