I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL