It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
