I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
