there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
