yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
