I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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