you have to choose: penises or morals?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
