i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
