Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
