I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
