how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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