No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
