She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
