??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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